So, You Want to Get Married and Have Kids? (Part 2 of 3)

My eldest at 18 hours.

At this point, you are now happily married, and your next wish is to have kids. Your prayers have been granted. Something came out of your wife as small, tender and vulnerable human being called the baby.

You are now a father. Congratulations!

In my case, I trembled the first time I carried my baby. It was my baby! I couldn't believe it! My baby!

The other thing I could not forget was the way the one day old baby (whom the mother-friendly hospital brought to my wife's bed) searched me out when he heard my voice. It was as if he was saying, "hey, I know that voice!" I was speaking to my wife's womb, telling stories to my kid while he was still inside.

After getting promoted to being a "father" you may find that some things change faster than you can comprehend them.

Washing the diapers.
How memorable!

My son was a colic child and that affected my wife's ability to move around home. She could not bear the incessant and inconsolable crying of the baby. So I had to spring into action. I woke up at 4:30am each day to rinse the clothes, cook and go to office two hours away. Then at 9pm, I cooked dinner, washed the diapers and soaked them in soap all night to be rinsed early morning. This went on for two months.

On the third month, the inconsolable crying stopped. It helped further that at this time we finally got someone to help us out at home. I missed the inconsolable crying at times that I found myself pinching the baby just to hear him cry once more :)

Your fate as a husband and father may be different and much better than that. Or at least, pray that it will be different and far better than that ... har har har. The point is, there will be challenges and you just have to face it like a man.

It will have its own rewards. At some point you would notice that the baby would start to identify with you, whether the baby's a girl or a boy. But boys would identify with you more, if you're lovingly present in their lives.

This was a time when phone cameras were babies themselves,
so forgive the resolution.

It felt like a great prize to have the baby wrap himself on top of you as he slept. It felt like a great reward for rising early in the morning and arriving late. At this time in my life, I was living 60 kilometers away from work. My wife and I spent 24 hours per week inside the bus. Yes, she was working too.

As the boy identifies with you, you will find yourself thinking of ways of how to spend time with him. Your creativity will be tested. Then you will realize that all you really have to do was recall your own childhood, the ways you remember it with fondness, and the ways you would have wanted it to be better.

I cherish this picture because this was rare.

The times I spent reading books to my kid were treasured moments, coz they were rare. At this stage in my life, I was able to spend time with him only on weekends. He was asleep when I left home for work and he was asleep when I arrived home at night. 

At this point it will dawn on you that you are no longer you. You are someone else. You are someone else's father. Next thing you know, this little chap struggles to stand up and walk. He succeeds later on and everyone celebrates.

My son was learning how to stand up.

He asserts himself further by messing up with you while you're having fun with the videoke, as if to say, "Hey, away with that! Focus on me!" But then you realize he just wants to do the things that you do.

I love singing. Yes I do. So did my son.

Punch the laptop as you do ...

I worked at home. I still do.

or drive the car as you do ...

This was a company car.

Time moves faster now, and one day you notice that indeed someone else is acting like you do ...

This picture is rare. Actually, my son is very jolly.
You'd think there's something funny on your face.

As he sleeps when you arrive, you may start to actually think. Who is this guy in my house?

Truly, time passed so swiftly. What was once a tiny little baby
is now someone who actually occupies your space on the bed.

Time runs faster still and you realize, hey, there are now two of them!

My daughter was born five years after.

You wipe your eyes and say, "Indeed I now have two kids."

... and my daughter is just as jolly as my son.

My parents have eleven children. I am the tenth.

One day when I was working as a student (I taught algorithm in a computer school when I was in 3rd year college), I had a drink with one of my students. He was a much older man, around 50 at that time. We called him, "Tito Jo." He told me his story I could not forget.

When he was young and reckless, he married and had children. His wife left him for the States bringing all their kids with her. Years passed and he finally got permission from his wife to see the kids and get to know them. The kids were already teens at this time. The kids were also excited to finally see their father.

My reaction to his story way, "So, it was a happy ending after all!" Then he told me something I could not forget. He said, "I missed the chance of carrying them as babies and toddlers, and coddling them as little boys and girls. Now they're teens. I couldn't do those things to them anymore."

Whew!

I further realized in life that you don't have to have the experience of Tito Jo to miss the chance of carrying your kids as babies and toddlers, and coddling them as little boys and girls. All you have to do is work, work, work and forget that there are people growing up at your home.

As to me, I don't want to miss the chance for anything.

What is your resolve?

- - -

To be continued next week, Aug 22 ... So, You Want to Get Married and Have Kids? (Part 3 of 3).

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• So, You Want to Get Married and Have Kids? (Part 1 of 3)
• So, You Want to Get Married and Have Kids? (Part 3 of 3)